Hero's Work
by SophieSaulie
Summary: Billy gets hurt saving Rick. Rick is feeling guilty and Billy tries to absolve.


**Hero's Work**

Rick had remembered what Billy had said his first few weeks at the agency as they rode through the desert on horseback to rescue Aldrich.

"_Why the sour puss, lad? We're on horseback, riding through the heart of hell, to save a man from certain death. This is hero's work. Trust me, when you're old and feeble like pink cheeks here, you'll look back on these as happy days."_

Though Billy had put a humorous spin on their mission then, as Rick watched him pant through excruciating pain because he had saved him from making a serious error in judgment, he couldn't help, but think that Billy was wishing at that moment that the scorpion he had eaten as a show of fearlessness had really been poisonous and had killed him.

Hero's work. Real heroes didn't feign facing torture or death to look heroic. Real heroes, like Billy, threw themselves headlong into them for the sake of a friend or fellow agent without expecting honors or credit for doing it. Billy had done that and Rick felt immense remorse from it. He tried to remind himself that he wasn't seasoned like the rest of them, that he didn't know everything just because he had studied it in some book or manual, but it was cold comfort as he watched Billy suffer because of his error in judgment. Michael, Casey and Billy, they lived the work and had chalked up enough experience to make them hyper aware and hyper vigilant which was how Billy's instincts had alerted him that there was something wrong with the deal that was going down and that Rick was about to be injected with some kind of toxin. Sensing the dangerous situation, Billy had rushed in to disarm the arms dealer's henchmen. He had succeeded, but not before the hypodermic had been thrust into his own hand. The toxin hadn't taken long to take effect as everyone was rounded up and hauled away. Billy curled up in intense, spasmodic pain as he kneeled down practically on all fours to the floor, groaning the entire time. Michael and Casey had helped him into a side room where he could sit more comfortably on a couch. Rick had suggested that they take him to the hospital, but the others, including Billy, pointed out that the toxin would set off alarms that would cause unnecessary panic. It was decided that Michael and Casey would retrieve and return with the antidote while Rick stayed to watch over Billy.

Billy noticed the dismay and concern on Rick's face.

"There's no need to worry, lad. I've built up some immunity from years of exposure to various toxins. I should be bouncing back in no time."

Rick's expression remained worried and it seemed to morph into being on the verge of tears. Rick was still fresh off the farm and though he had gone on successful missions with them, along with a few bollixed ones, including one where he had faced death himself, Billy understood that it was one thing to be the object of a bollixed mission, it was quite another to be the cause of one. Rick was being too hard on himself in Billy's eyes. He hadn't caused Billy's situation, he had willingly put himself there, but he understood that it wasn't always that easy to rationalize when someone had gotten hurt.

"You'd have done the same for me, in fact, you have. The scorpion. It's still the highlight of that mission, I must say," Billy said trying to lighten the gravity of the situation for Rick as he fought off the spasms of pain hitting him.

"It wasn't poisonous. I wasn't in any danger," Rick said his disgusted tone aimed at himself.

"Well, it's the thought that counts, right?" Billy had teased as he tried to smile.

"I'm sorry…I made a stupid mistake and because of that…" Rick said, self-recrimination replacing disgust as he combed his hand through his hair.

Billy watched the young operative and couldn't help but feel sympathy. Mistakes happened, he had made his share, but Rick had to learn that in order to continue doing the work, he had to get over them, move on and learn from them.

"Because nothing, if you're going to survive in the spy gig, you're going to have to accept that things don't always go as planned," Billy said clenching his eyes closed.

"Like getting poisoned?"

"Not exactly, although poisoning is a common occurrence in our line of work."

"People's lives…your lives depend on my not making –"

"Mistakes? Sorry to break it to you, mate, but you're not James Bond. None of us are. Well, maybe I can qualify, after all, the revered Mr. Connery, and the only true James Bond in my humble opinion, and I do come from the same mother country and all. You gotta admit, I've got the accent down, contrary to what our little lady in counterfeiting says."

Rick couldn't help, but grimace at the look she had given him.

Billy let out an agonized groan. "Mother Mary…"

Rick watched helplessly as he breathed and moaned simultaneously. Billy realized that he would have to offer more than just platitudes to relieve Rick of the guilt he was feeling.

"Look, no matter how long you're in the business, things can and do go wrong."

"But you knew something wasn't right."

"Years of experience, lad. That and I, too, have become a right paranoid bastard. You don't develop such a finely tuned sense of psychosis without getting poisoned a time or two."

Rick didn't act convinced.

"Casey's right, you know, guilt is an exhausting emotion," Billy said, a powerful cramp hitting him so hard he had to white knuckle the arm of the couch.

Billy groaned and gasped as he thought about how he didn't exactly practice what Casey preached despite his concession to his point of view.

"Is there something I can do?" Rick asked, feeling completely useless.

Billy shook his head. "No, no, just have to ride it out…until they come back with the antidote."

Once Billy took in some deep breaths, the spasms eased a little. He watched Rick pace in frustration.

"Sit down, lad. You're wearing me out," Billy said, the exhaustion in his voice, the sweat from his efforts to control the pain, drenching him.

Rick sat in a chair opposite Billy.

"What happened to me? It isn't your fault. I made the choice. I saw something –"

"That I SHOULD HAVE seen."

"No, it's why we're a team. No one person can anticipate every thing. Next time, it will be you who'll see something we missed. That's how it works, how we work, all right?"

"I get that, it's just…" Rick trailed off, feeling defeated.

"Believe me, mate, when I tell ya that I've been where you are right now. More times than I'd care to admit…" Billy began, his breathing laboring. "I had a partner…a friend who…"

Billy stalled, not only because of the pain, but because the guilt that he had compartmentalized and placed behind his humorous façade for so long, was still as fresh as when it had happened over six years ago.

"Let's just say that he died saving my life. He took a bullet meant for me because…because I…hesitated," Billy felt his hands tremble and the wave began to spread. "Bugger…"

Billy collapsed to the floor, shocking Rick as he headed his way. Billy then began to convulse, shaking as if he were shivering from being cold. His eyes rolled back behind his lids and this groans turned into grunts and breathy wails of anguish. Rick had never felt so completely helpless in his life. He didn't know what to do. He didn't have any first aid to apply. He then heard someone coming into the room. He pulled his gun from his holster ready to protect Billy when he realized that Michael and Casey were running in. He holstered his gun, relieved and moved out of the way. Michael took out a syringe from his pocket and then injected what Rick assumed was the antidote into Billy's arm. The tremors slowly eased then finally stopped. Billy's body went slack and his breathing smoothed if still labored as if each deep breath was a struggle. Michael checked for a pulse. He then allowed himself to relax and to release a long breath himself. He nodded to Rick and Casey.

Billy would be okay.

**Chaos ChaosChaos**

They laid Billy onto the couch and just watched him rest. Michael couldn't help, but notice how quiet Rick had been the whole time.

"You okay?"

He shook his head.

"I don't know. I feel responsible. I know what you're going to say. Billy already tried to ease my guilt," He said as he looked over at Casey. "Yes, I know it's an exhausting emotion, but…"

"It's okay. As good as we are, you don't think that any of us hasn't gone through what you're going through now, do you? I can guarantee that I've had more than my share and wish I could forget them, but it's not that easy," Michael said.

Michael turned towards Casey for support and affirmation.

"Though I try not to indulge in feeling it, I admit to not always being successful at channeling it into rage."

Michael just laughed.

"That's as close to an admission as you're going to get, Martinez."

Rick smiled too.

"Billy was about to tell me something before you guys got here. I know he wanted to make me feel better, but then the convulsions started."

Michael straightened a bit, knowing what Billy had been attempting to do. He only knew the basic facts, but he knew Billy well enough to know how personally he would have taken what had happened. He saw that in Rick now. It made him understand why Billy had taken such a personal interest in Rick. He saw his own reflection there.

"Billy came to the ODS under a cloud of mystery. He's never revealed what caused his deportation to the States and we've respected his right not to talk about it. I could tell you the facts because being the paranoid bastard that I am, I checked him out like I did you, but like a true operative, I'm invoking need-to-know. This is the CIA after all. Secrets come with the job description. What I **can** tell you is that underneath that jovial Scotsman mask he puts on is a man who blames himself for something going wrong on a mission. Unjustified in my view, but it's not my view that counts. The story, he'll have to tell you himself, but believe me when I tell you, he's more than earned our trust. What he did for you, he did for both of us without hesitation. It's all I need to know. It's who he is, don't question it just be grateful for it. He's the best of all of us."

Michael patted him on the back.

"I'm going to wait for back up."

Casey just quietly left with Michael. Rick, once again, was alone with Billy, his newfound understanding, however lacking in detail, made him realize that Billy was more than just an operative doing a job. He was doing a life's passion for the work and that what he had done for Rick was an honor that he had to accept at the purest of face value. Billy had saved him because he had valued his life a premium worthy of his own life in trade. It was just that simple.

**Chaos ChaosChaos**

Billy began to stir, groaning. His whole body ached and felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Every move brought pain. Still, he lifted himself up to a sitting position and looked around.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Rick asked.

"Like a thousand ton lorry mowed me down. Oh, that's a truck to you," Billy said. "Since I'm clearly still alive, I take it Michael and Casey got here in time with the antidote."

"Yeh, they're waiting for the back up to arrive."

Billy nodded, rubbing his neck and shoulders as he looked at Rick.

"You all right?" He asked.

"I'm good," Rick said, his earlier mood of self-recrimination gone. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For saving my life," Rick smiled, as he stood up then qualified. "For having my back."

While Billy was unconscious, Rick had taken the time to think about his words as well as Michael's. In the heat of Billy's suffering, all he could think about was that he might have caused someone to die, but with the relief of Billy's recovery, he had been able to come to terms with the fact that they were right, that there were some things you just couldn't control and more importantly, that there were things that you had to appreciate on face value like having friends who watched your back.

Billy allowed his head to clear a bit, trying to figure out the last thing he remembered. When it finally came to him, he looked back at Rick.

"Look, what I said –"

"It's okay, Billy. I got to thinking and you're right. I can't let myself get bogged down with guilt because if I do, I'll endanger all of you by second guessing myself and I don't want to do that," Rick paused. "I just want you to know that I'm grateful and I know you don't think I have to say it, but I'm sorry you got hurt because of me. I hope you know that I **do** have your back, that you can count on me."

Billy was genuinely moved by the earnest words and he found himself humbled by them, unable to come up with a glib retort.

"Of course, I do. That was never in question."

Rick nodded and walked off.

Billy took in a breath to further clear his head. He had been about to share one of the worst times in his life with Rick to ease his guilt. It had been that moment in his past which had driven him to take his job so seriously, if not without a little levity thrown in, after all, there was already enough pressure associated with the job, a little humor went a long way to diffuse it and it was his contribution to the team. A contribution he took to heart. His protectiveness of the team was absolute and not just part of the job. That mistake from his past had defined him. It drove him to this day to make sure that it would never happen again on his watch. He'd come to peace with it, if not to complete self-absolution, but feeling as he had then, he had understood what Rick was going through. He knew that he had to find a way to give Rick the absolution he, himself, had been denied. He had good mates in Michael and Casey, but he had found a kinship with Rick because a lifetime ago, he had been Rick, had been idealistic, patriotic, and had mates he had entrusted with his life. But one mission had changed all that. It had him helplessly watching a colleague and good friend lose his life because of a miscommunication on his part. Billy clenched his eyes closed to keep back the raw emotional images. The memory still gave him pain.

"Hey? You all right?" Michael's voice asked.

Billy opened his eyes and looked at his friends.

"Right as rain," He said. "What's say we get out of here, aye?"

He tried to stand, but his legs buckled beneath him and dizziness assailed him. Rick caught him and braced him on his shoulder.

"Thanks, mate. Guess I underestimated how travel worthy I was."

"No problem. We have each other's backs, right?"

"Absolutely," Billy concurred.

Casey assisted on the other side of Billy and they all walked out to a waiting car.

Rick was relieved that Billy was okay. He hadn't died because of his mistake. He knew it was selfish of him, but he was glad that his inexperience hadn't cost a life, especially Billy's, because of all of them, Billy had been more than just a fellow operative, but a mentor. He would take the time to impart wisdom from his experience as much as he could, to make sure Rick had the right perspective of the job, and to be supportive under duress, all of which he had tried to do even suffering as much as he had. Being surrounded by his friends, his colleagues, each of them heroes, Rick understood that he was in good company in The Company, with good men, doing hero's work.

**FIN. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!**


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